Varying positions or toys: sexual novelty shouldn't embarrass long-term couples
The pleasure cycle comprises three phases: desire, enjoyment, and learning. Each phase can be affected by various barriers that impede a sexual experience
Sex education varies enormously depending on family environments. Some homes encourage a positive view of sexuality, while others create a context of shame and secrecy. Most people grow up in families where sexuality is taboo, which complicates open discussion in adulthood. Psychologist and educator Dr. McNichols, also known as the "sex teacher," addressed contemporary concerns of young adults regarding sex in an interview with marriage therapist and CNN contributor Ian Kerper. She highlighted the lack of formal sex education and the negative influence of pornography. She emphasizes the impact of the "disconnect" culture on interpersonal relationships. The Pleasure Cycle Triad: McNichols introduces the pleasure cycle, which comprises three phases: desire, enjoyment, and learning. Each phase can be affected by various barriers that prevent a full and satisfying sexual experience. It is argued that consent goes beyond physical boundaries and must include emotional and relational components. Creating clear and honest communication is essential for healthy sexual experiences.
She highlights the relationship between sex culture and dating. "There's a culture of loosening up: young adults are afraid that wanting a casual relationship to develop into something deeper and more meaningful will make them seem dependent. Social media and online dating apps have contributed to creating these informal and ambiguous relationships, where people are afraid to be vulnerable and honest." you and you're looking for something more, that's healthy and okay too,” she explains.
“Some students in my class have come up to me and said, 'You know, I feel like, because I watched so much pornography when I was younger, “That ruined my sex life.” They're bringing a lot of insecurity, a lot of shame, and these toxic ideas about what sex should be like into their experiences,” the specialist confesses.
Novelty to Maintain Interest
Constant novelty can be overwhelming for long-term couples. Dr. McNichols suggests implementing “micro-novelties,” or small variations in intimacy, which can lead to a significant improvement in sexual satisfaction without the pressure of drastic changes.
Dr. McNichols explains that research shows the novelty effect diminishes approximately 12 times a year, or once a month, so it's not necessary to introduce novelty every time you have sex, but trying rather occasionally.
“Couples who introduce something new once a month or more enjoy greater sexual satisfaction. And it doesn't have to be something momentous. It could be a different position. It could be using a favorite sex toy and experimenting with it. It could be having sex at a different time of day, in a different place. “It could be using a blindfold,” she concludes.
Positions or toys that can motivate
There are positions and sex toys that can ignite intimacy and connection in a couple by encouraging mutual exploration and shared pleasure.
These positions promote emotional and physical closeness, ideal for strengthening the relationship.
Toys for couples often include remote controls for interactive play and greater complicity.
Tips. Talk openly about preferences and limits before trying. Start slowly to ensure mutual comfort and enjoyment. Always clean toys for optimal hygiene.